Hot on the heels of this business, I remembered that a few months back I interviewed my friend Amanda because she’s kinda like my personal Jesus. I asked her a bunch of questions about not taking shit. To me she seems to be the master of being a bad ass, being positive and bringing amazing things into her life. What better way to get the taste of Titty McGee out of our mouths than with an intelligent lady who knows there is more to life than being purdy.
The Art of Not Taking Shit
1. First off, Seth told me a story in which you were having an argument with a girl and told her “This is your window of opportunity to apologize,” while holding up your open hand and then curling your hand into a fist, “And it’s closing.” Is this a true story or one greatly embellished by my beloved but prone to exaggeration beau? If it is true, what advice can you give to women who want to be as on the spot witty as you are?Firstly–Yeah, Seth can exaggerate quite a bit BUT, this story is spot-on. This little dolled up hussy had stolen a friend’s cell phone and was later found out by bragging to a dude (the friend’s friend) about how awesome it was that she had stolen the phone. Luckily, the guy realized it was his friends phone and sacrificed his blowie of the night to get the phone back and put this chick in her place. NOT COOL. I mean, if you’re gonna steal someone else’s things that’s one thing–and something I cannot get down with, not even a little–then alright, I guess you’re gonna be a dirty thief, but COME ON don’t go running around telling dudes about it like you’re some total hot shot–you’re just an a-moral whore who doesn’t know how to have an interesting conversation. I try my hardest to not pass judgement, but everything I’d heard about this chickadee pissed me off. We had been drinking some whiskey and I was feeling fiesty, so I think that’s part of the reason why I felt empowered to act the way that I did. Also, in my eyes, my friend deserved an apology, the whore disagreed, and I felt justified in letting her know exactly how much I disagreed with her.
As far as giving witty comebacks: Number 1: Be witty. (In my opinion wit is just a side-effect of intelligence and being good-natured and quick thinking. Ya got it or ya don’t–either is ok. If you’re not witty though, you probably shouldn’t try to be.) Number 2: Say what you think. Quickly and concisely. You can’t pussy foot around if you’re in a confrontation. (Ya also got to mean what say–an empty comeback or threat is pretty pointless and will most likely end in you looking like a jackass somehow.)
If a man does not text you for three days after a date, what is your response?
Well that depends.
If the date was awesome and I really like the guy I would definitely call him. This for me has gone two ways: he’s a total jackass and takes on the “umm, hello obviously I would have called if I was interested” act or the response is “oh totally, I just figured we’d go out again this next weekend” i.e.: boy brain. In either instance–if a dude is into you, he ought to be letting you know that sooner than 3 days. In my experience–these guys don’t work out and generally aren’t worth the trouble. To me all this “waiting 3 days” game playing bullshit is for children, and i prefer to date men, not boys. But ya know, I also hate chicks who completely rely on dudes to do the communicating. If you had a great time on a date and want to see a guy again, it doesn’t hurt to let him know that. Fuck these antiquated gender roles–if you know what you want, go and get it. In my book–my game, as it were–it boils down to fear of rejection and insecurities. And I’m trying to rid my life of both of these things. Sometimes when you put yourself out there you get rejected–its just a part of life. And better be rejected straight outta the gate when there are minimal emotions involved that a few months down the line–ya know what i’m saying? I guess when you meet the right guy, communication just comes naturally and there is no need to fret over these things. If its not right, the communication is bound to be all wonky.
If a man tells you he’s not ready for a relationship, does that mean he’s really not ready or he just doesn’t want to date you?
Who knows why a guy says that, I’m sure there are lots of reasons. If I’ve ever actually cared to know why, I ask! My personal thinking is that there is no point in trying to convince someone to be with me–I tried it when I was younger and it never works out well. And I do believe that a good relationship takes work, but some things need to just happen naturally and effortlessly–especially when its fresh and new. No use in forcing things!
If after several years of dating, your boyfriend cheats on you, what is the appropriately bad ass response?
I guess the bad-ass thing to do would be to go out and fuck the shit outta a mega-babe, right? But the real deal response would be to ask myself if the relationship was worth saving and if he was worth the time and energy to work through it all. And then, if it turns out he’s not worth it–definitely go out and shmang a babe.
If you hate your job/the city you live in/your relationship…yada yada…what would you suggest as the first step to change these things?
I’m a mixture of logical and impulsive. And I guess that I see a lot of logic in knowing that things always work out, and not stressing too hard on anything. SO when I want to change something, I change it. I recently quit my job and went on a cross country road trip, unemployed and slowly burning through my “savings.” And you know what, I was so happy knowing that I no longer had to work a job that I knew was crushing my soul and making it really hard for me to be happy that I never once wondered how I was gonna pay my rent or bills. And ya know what happened? I landed a sa-weet, high paying job that is not ideal but that is floating me until i figure out what it is that I really want to do with my life. So yeah–I don’t take baby-steps or plan or anything, I just go for it and see what happens. Whats the worse that could happen? ( I think I just realized that I in fact am not at all logical? )
If a man talks down to you/verbally abuses/calls you name…what would you do?
I was in a very verbally abusive relationship when I was younger. And I also had really low self-esteem to begin with. I totally went along with it, which is so sad to think about. I’ve grown in to a woman that doesn’t buy it. I had a guy start being abusive and saying really shitty things to me just a few years ago. Ya know what worked? Turning it around–I asked him why the fuck he was with me then if I was so terrible and worthless. It worked, too–in the sense that he ended up roughing me up, I started a small fire in his apartment and he threw some of my stuff out of his second story window. And we were broken up. And I realize know that I dodged a huge bullet. No relationship–friendship or intimate–is deserving of abuse.
If you have a girlfriend who you know repeatedly talks shit about you behind your back but is lovely to your face, would you confront her?
This just happened to me recently. And I subtly called her out on it. I told her that I had heard a lot of negative and untrue things about me, all coming from this crowd of kids she had just started hanging out with (cats I used to be pretty close with, no less). And what do you know, I stopped hearing from her. It was more passive-aggressive than I’d like. If I could get a “do-over” I think I would just point blank ask her “Why are you disrespecting me?” I still would like to hear why exactly she felt the need to talk shit behind my back and then try to be super friendly to me–what a miserable existence. I feel like any girl that does this shit must get her self caught up in a lot of drama and lies, and have very few if any genuine and meaningful relationships.
What’s the best advice you can give to a girl who is feeling like her self worth is based off of what others (especially men) think of her?
My advice? “FUCK THAT” A lot of my friends give me shit for being a hippie or being cliche, but seriously, I can’t stress it enough: If you don’t love and respect yourself, no one else will either. I think a lot of ladies need to start acting/dressing/talking/getting involved in things that they like and are interested in. I’ve seen so many of my girl friends shape themselves into what they think other people (especially dudes) want out of them. I’ve also seen so many of my guy friends walk all over these women and treat them like shit. Figure out what it is that YOU want from YOU and the rest will fall into place! (There will be haters along the way, there always are–fuck em! Haters gon’ hate no matter what!)
See, told you she was a bad ass! And also that last part reminded me of one of my favorite Kat Williams jokes…
Well….I sent these questions to five girls. Amanda was the only one who actually replied. Guess she’s the only bad ass one. Maybe I’ll interview you, Chris.
i think i love her! that ‘forgiveness window’ was gold. i wish i’d had her advice on verbal abuse when i was in a relationship like that.
So, is there a part II? Come ooooon!
Well….I sent these questions to five girls. Amanda was the only one who actually replied. Guess she’s the only bad ass one. Maybe I’ll interview you, Chris.
Sweet! I’m BRILLiant.
This girl sounds ace! Awesome q&a.
I can’t believe you sent this to 5 people and no-one else replied! Pffft I say.